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I used to think that day was just a far off dream for me
Dreading when I wake because I can't see past next week
"What's the point of living if I'm just living a lie?"
Those echoes in my memory are far away tonight

I used to think that I was all alone feeling this pain
Using words and writing poems to keep up the pace
Whisper reassurances to myself to feel safe
Hugging pillows tightly as I'm drifting in this space

Now the railing that I'm safely behind keeps me sane
I'm not quite the black rose that I pricked, but just the same
I still can't see past next week, but maybe that's okay
Maybe in this case my age was not an early grave

Now I use a new name and I wear a different face
But I'm still the same girl even if I'm less afraid
Back then I sat on sidelines to watch everyone else live
And now, for once, it's my turn, I've got something new to give

I don't need to tell myself that I'm not worth living
I don't need to hold onto my reassurances
I don't need to feel like if I left no one would care
I've made it this far and now I'm letting myself live

I'm doing my best and I know that's all I can do
I know it's enough and I know you will see it, too
This life is so precious and that's why, now, I can say
I'm glad that I know that I'll be turning 28

There's no big ending, no big rhyme to close off this chapter
I'm not ending anything with a bang or a whimper
Just acknowledging what I've now firmly put behind me

This is how it ends
This is how it starts
I deserve it.

Published: 2022-09-06

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